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August 11, 2007

Student to Switch Major to the Same Thing as Hot Chick He Saw at Bursar's Office

Left: Witten is smitten

(Columbus, OH) Junior education major Kevin Witten, admitting he has been "something less than diligent" in his Ohio State courses, announced to roommates that he is switching majors.

Adding to the collective confusion was the basis for Witten's decision, which hinged solely on the attractiveness of a female student in front of him in the lengthy OSU Bursar's office line.

"Something special happened there, something that no one can ever take away," he mused, still basking in the "love rays" of the chance meeting. "We connected in a way most people never experience in their entire lifetimes, me looking down her shirt and her reading some stupid book."

Witten recalled an "incredible moment" when he realized the pair were destined for each other.

"The physical and spiritual attractions had already been made. Well, at least on my end," he acknowledged. "The mental attraction happened when she turned around and asked if she could borrow a 'writing utensil.' A writing utensil! 'Damn,' I thought to myself, 'this chick's got a body AND brains.' I could see our future together: late-night karaoke to Nickelback, rainy day games of Texas Hold'Em and long afternoons of Frisbee golf on the Quad."

When pushed for details, Witten admitted the relationship still "needs work," but he added that he is willing to make the necessary sacrifices.

"She had her hand over the top of the paper, so I could only read three letters of her last name: I-N-E," he noted. "But I know that she's taking ECON 110 on Tuesdays and Thursdays, so I should be able to track her down. And she's still got my pen, so I have an in right there. The important thing is we are meant for each other, and I can't remember a day in my life where I was so absolutely sure of my decision."

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