.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}
May 31, 2007

Student's Constipated Groan Sounds Exactly Like Nickelback's Singer

Left: Scene of musical mimicry

(Ann Arbor, MI) Sophomore engineering student Tre Minnick remembers clearly the moment his roommate, Kyle Breckenridge, made musical history.

"I was watching TV when Kyle let out this gut-wrenching howl, and I knew right then he was onto something," the University of Michigan recalled. "When he hollered the second time I recognized that constipated growl: it was none other than Chad Kroeger, the lead singer from Nickelback."

Minnick said that Breckenridge has been trying to duplicate the feat ever since his first foray into impersonation, but that recent attempts "fall a little short of the mark."

"Kyle ate nothing but cheese for three straight days to recreate his earlier bowel cloggery," he said. "And he was good and constipated, but his screams pushing out that intestinal cement were more like a kitten in a rat trap than like Chad Kroeger from Nickelback. Still pretty cool, though."

Is Metamucil in Kroeger's future?

Minnick said that Nickelback's Kroeger might have physical problems beyond his "cheese chunks."

"The poor guy is gasping like a landed flounder half the time," he said. "I think Chad's caught, like, some kind of weird STD from all those cocks he's been sucking, and maybe the gonnorhea has slid down and infected his vocal cords. I got backstage tickets at their Detroit show, and Chad Kroeger was all over me like a hobo on a hotdog, slobbering down my cock within two minutes of me getting there. That, plus Chad being constipated, of course. Maybe if Kyle sucked as many cocks as Chad Kroeger he could get that sound just right."

Labels: , , ,


Comments: Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link



<< Home
Copyright 2007, Codependent Collegian ® . Unauthorized duplication prohibited, but feel free to link away. This is a satirical newspaper, and many of these stories are fictional. You have to guess which ones are faked. Codependent Collegian ® uses invented names in its stories, except when public figures are being satirized, or when we post a real story. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Subcomandante Bob once got jiggy with your mom, and she does things in bed that would shock you, dude. The content of this website is the property of Codependent Collegian ® and its authors, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. Codependent Collegian ® is not designed for readers under 18 years of age. FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, sustainable development, environmental, community and worker health, democracy, public disclosure, corporate accountability, and social justice issues, mostly because hot college women are also interested in the same issues. Go figure. Anyways, we believe this constitutes a "fair use" of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without fee or payment of any kind to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes, except when you are using it to get laid. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?