Codependent Collegian

Guest editorial by Jared Sherwood,
Penn State Class of 2010

Babe, I just got back from the Student Health Center, and I just can't believe it: I caught ANOTHER frigging STD from those nasty toilet seats here on campus.

Gross.

I thought it was bad enough when I came down with gonorrhea last year from the toilet seat in the student union. I should have known better than to go in the stall after that creepy-looking dude got out, but I guess I am too trusting or something.

But to wind up with a case of herpes from these damned dirty bathrooms? Un-FREAKING-believable, that's all I can say.

I think it happened last month at the Rec Center. I noticed something wet when I touched the toilet seat, but I figured it was just a little water. I guess it was really some slimy, herpefied ooze from some sex fiend. I even washed my hands, too!

The good news is that this is really not such a big deal, and my buddy - who's a pre-med major - says that it's almost impossible to pass it along after a week or so. After next Friday, then, we can get back to normal with our love life, just so long as you make sure you take a shower after. Turns out herpes is killed by hot water and soapy water!

And, if I were you: I'd avoid those skanky bathrooms. It's better to have to hold it than to catch an STD from a toilet seat, believe me!

Labels: Penn State, STDs

Guest editorial by Josh Reinhardt, Class of 2008

Lyndsey, we've been going out for two months now, and I think it's time we take our relationship to the next level. I propose we stop using condoms, and experience our love au natural.

What it really comes down to is trust, you know? I'm like 99 percent sure I'm STD-free, but if you can't trust me, this relationship will never grow.

And - truth be told - we are like the only people on the planet using these gross things. Wouldn't it be great to let our love melt together, instead of keeping our happy-juices separated by a latex barrier?

If you really loved me, you'd stop insisting on this, because it's getting in the way of something truly beautiful. And with the money we'd save, we could invest in a nice digital camera, so we could capture our bumping and grinding for posterity.

There's nothing I'd like better than to wake in the morning, with the sun coming in the window and shining on your naked back, zooming in for a closeup of your breasts. And I'd be really careful not to leave the disc laying around, where one of my idiot fraternity brothers might get it and upload it on YouTube or something.

So, how about it? Let's make a bold statement tonight about our love, and toss the rest of this Trojan 12-pack on the fire. Our future is hanging in the balance.

Labels: condoms, Relationships, STDs