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February 3, 2007

I'm Like 99 Percent Sure I'm STD-Free

Guest editorial by Josh Reinhardt, Class of 2008

Lyndsey, we've been going out for two months now, and I think it's time we take our relationship to the next level. I propose we stop using condoms, and experience our love au natural.

What it really comes down to is trust, you know? I'm like 99 percent sure I'm STD-free, but if you can't trust me, this relationship will never grow.

And - truth be told - we are like the only people on the planet using these gross things. Wouldn't it be great to let our love melt together, instead of keeping our happy-juices separated by a latex barrier?

If you really loved me, you'd stop insisting on this, because it's getting in the way of something truly beautiful. And with the money we'd save, we could invest in a nice digital camera, so we could capture our bumping and grinding for posterity.

There's nothing I'd like better than to wake in the morning, with the sun coming in the window and shining on your naked back, zooming in for a closeup of your breasts. And I'd be really careful not to leave the disc laying around, where one of my idiot fraternity brothers might get it and upload it on YouTube or something.

So, how about it? Let's make a bold statement tonight about our love, and toss the rest of this Trojan 12-pack on the fire. Our future is hanging in the balance.

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