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November 29, 2007

Babe, the Toilets Here at Penn State Are COVERED With STDs

Guest editorial by Jared Sherwood,
Penn State Class of 2010

Babe, I just got back from the Student Health Center, and I just can't believe it: I caught ANOTHER frigging STD from those nasty toilet seats here on campus.


I thought it was bad enough when I came down with gonorrhea last year from the toilet seat in the student union. I should have known better than to go in the stall after that creepy-looking dude got out, but I guess I am too trusting or something.

But to wind up with a case of herpes from these damned dirty bathrooms? Un-FREAKING-believable, that's all I can say.

I think it happened last month at the Rec Center. I noticed something wet when I touched the toilet seat, but I figured it was just a little water. I guess it was really some slimy, herpefied ooze from some sex fiend. I even washed my hands, too!

The good news is that this is really not such a big deal, and my buddy - who's a pre-med major - says that it's almost impossible to pass it along after a week or so. After next Friday, then, we can get back to normal with our love life, just so long as you make sure you take a shower after. Turns out herpes is killed by hot water and soapy water!

And, if I were you: I'd avoid those skanky bathrooms. It's better to have to hold it than to catch an STD from a toilet seat, believe me!

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