.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}
July 17, 2007

Professor Endures Summer Flunk Withdrawal

by Billy Pilgrim, Codependent Collegian Rogue Editor

A Blissful Jenkins After Flunking Ten Students Last Fall

(Toledo, OH)—University of Toledo business professor Rachael Jenkins is, according to many, “one of the toughest bitch profs on campus,” and has a stern reputation for failing large numbers of her students each semester due to her vindictive nature.

But now that summer is in full bloom, and the fall semester is still nearly two months away, Jenkins must endure flunk withdrawal, and spends her days pining for the haughty satisfaction she receives when browbeating daft undergraduates.

“It’s really a bummer,” huffed Jenkins while playing Mario Brothers on an antique Nintendo console in her Ottawa Hills home. “I mean, normally when I have a bad day, I can just decide not to curve an exam or something, and BOOM—all those Ds become Fs. But yesterday I was in Starbucks and the service sucked, and I couldn’t even make anyone stay after class. It was totally depressing.”

Jenkins went on to demarcate how the power structure of the real world varies from that in her classroom.

“I tell those punks on the first day: half of you people are going to fail, especially if it’s one of my economics course,” Jenkins explained. “And then I always get a few weepers around Christmas because an ‘I’ [incomplete in the course] would prevent them from losing their scholarship money, but screw ‘em. Sad thing is, though, when I’m at the grocery store, or buying stamps, it’s like people don’t even know I have a PhD. Maybe the government should give professors little gold stars on their clothes to let people know we’re better than everyone else.”

Labels: , ,


Comments: Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link



<< Home
Copyright 2007, Codependent Collegian ® . Unauthorized duplication prohibited, but feel free to link away. This is a satirical newspaper, and many of these stories are fictional. You have to guess which ones are faked. Codependent Collegian ® uses invented names in its stories, except when public figures are being satirized, or when we post a real story. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Subcomandante Bob once got jiggy with your mom, and she does things in bed that would shock you, dude. The content of this website is the property of Codependent Collegian ® and its authors, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. Codependent Collegian ® is not designed for readers under 18 years of age. FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, sustainable development, environmental, community and worker health, democracy, public disclosure, corporate accountability, and social justice issues, mostly because hot college women are also interested in the same issues. Go figure. Anyways, we believe this constitutes a "fair use" of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without fee or payment of any kind to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes, except when you are using it to get laid. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?