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March 30, 2008

Earth Hour Proves Unsuccessful in Sophomore's Booty Quest

Trombley: Tail-less once again

(Columbus, OH) Ohio State sophomore Chad Trombley thought that the climate change event known as Earth Hour might assist him in breaking his three-month period of unintentional celibacy.

"I was trying to play the 'sensitive green guy' angle," he told Codependent Collegian reporters. "Unfortunately, it appears that all the skanks at Kappa Delta just don't give a shit about the environment."

Trombley explained his failed seductive approach with the sorority sisters.

"Pretty basically, I reminded them that Earth Hour meant that all lights were off, and wouldn't it be great to make our own heat?" he said, pausing to pop a zit in the mirror. "But it was all: 'Ummmm, no thanks' and 'I have a boyfriend' and 'Ewww! Get away from me, you freak!' I guess the Kappa Delta sluts just want the polar bears to die off and shit."

Trombley has not given up on environmentalism as a tool in ass-tappery.

"There's always Earth Day," he noted. "I'm sure I can work the phrase 'plant a tree' into my macking. Besides, maybe I should start hitting up some of those Birkenstock-wearing 'Free the Planet' hotties over at the Quad. Since they like wood so much, I'll bet they can't keep their hands off the Chadster's pole."

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