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October 30, 2007

Student Finds Push-Up Bra "False Advertising"

Left: Less than meets the eye awaits suitors

(Columbus, OH) Ohio State engineering student Kevin Paterson expressed to Codependent Collegian reporters his displeasure with a recent date in which the "false pretenses" of a push-up bra led him to "waste mondo time" with fellow sophomore Amber Pettigrew.

"Amber wore this lowcut T-shirt to our Calculus class with the words 'Love Candy' written across the front, and that push-up bra made her look like she was stashing a couple of tasty cantaloupes up in there," he recalled. "But five seconds after I got her top off I realized that Amber was flatter than a week-old beer. That's some scary biz, bro, and for a second I thought she might be one of those 11-year-old college whiz kids setting me up on a stauatory rape charge."

Even the late-night acquisition of a "first class hummer" could not assuage the disappointed Paterson.

"I'd been drooling and whacking all day over what I thought were some gi-normous hooters, only to find out that copping a feel with Amber was like wrestling my little brother," he grumbled. "There ought to be a law against this kind of deception, that's all I got to say. I felt like I had been ripped off. Overall it was a disappointing night after my eager anticipation. I may give her another go some time, but there are far hotter chicks to hit up who don't order all the expensive shit on the Applebee's menu, that's for sure."

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