October 30, 2007
Student Finds Push-Up Bra "False Advertising"
Left: Less than meets the eye awaits suitors(Columbus, OH) Ohio State engineering student Kevin Paterson expressed to Codependent Collegian reporters his displeasure with a recent date in which the "false pretenses" of a push-up bra led him to "waste mondo time" with fellow sophomore Amber Pettigrew.
"Amber wore this lowcut T-shirt to our Calculus class with the words 'Love Candy' written across the front, and that push-up bra made her look like she was stashing a couple of tasty cantaloupes up in there," he recalled. "But five seconds after I got her top off I realized that Amber was flatter than a week-old beer. That's some scary biz, bro, and for a second I thought she might be one of those 11-year-old college whiz kids setting me up on a stauatory rape charge."
Even the late-night acquisition of a "first class hummer" could not assuage the disappointed Paterson.
"I'd been drooling and whacking all day over what I thought were some gi-normous hooters, only to find out that copping a feel with Amber was like wrestling my little brother," he grumbled. "There ought to be a law against this kind of deception, that's all I got to say. I felt like I had been ripped off. Overall it was a disappointing night after my eager anticipation. I may give her another go some time, but there are far hotter chicks to hit up who don't order all the expensive shit on the Applebee's menu, that's for sure."
Labels: Applebee's, Ohio State, push-up bra
