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September 21, 2007

Rancid Fart Even Chases Its Maker Out of Dorm

(Columbus, OH) The roommates of Ohio State sophomore Evan Ingersoll are used to the noxious fumes produced by the engineering major, but the rectal trumpet he blew Thursday night was on a "previously unimaginable scale of wickedness," according to witnesses.

"Sometimes he rips 'em so nasty they make your eyes water," noted roommate Josh Hartman. "Still, this one was epic, but in a really, really, bad way, like waking up after a hard night of drinking and finding out you just slept with your sister."

Ingersoll admitted that he was "kind of embarassed" by his rankness.

"Dude: As soon as the evil funk wafted up to my nostrils, I knew we were in some serious trouble," he recalled, visibly nauseous at the memory. "My head started this weird twitching, and it was all I could do not to blow chunks in the emergency exit."

Ingersoll, who attributed the anal tsunami to "a combination of Taco Bell and cheap beer," said that campus security warned him that future stink torpedos could bring administrtive sanctions.

"Hey man: it's not like I can control it or anything," he complained. "Sometimes you've just got to let it rip, to feel it gurgling in your loins, to feel it rushing out your sphincter, the sheer joy of being alive, you know?"

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