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May 11, 2007

Study Links Oral Sex, Busy Social Lives

(Baltimore) Researchers at Johns Hopkins University released the results of a study yesterday linking oral sex with an active date calendar, noting that having oral sex with more than six people triples the likelihood that a person will never be alone on a Saturday night.

"We can categorically state that those who regularly perform oral sex have no difficulty whatsoever finding dates," said Wolf Gerken, a spokesman for the research group. "It seems that once words gets around that a man or woman digs getting freaky like that, their social popularity skyrockets."

Gerken said that there are "additional outcomes" associated with a willingness to perform oral sex.

"There is an inverse relationship between paying for dinner and the promise of a hummer," he observed. "And interestingly, the breakdown between sexes is pretty consistent - if your mouth goes south, you are just about assured of more than one free meal."

Left: Oral sex recipients generally quite happy to pay for dinner and drinks

Gerken noted that there is at least one drawback associated with increased rates of oral sex performance that is sometimes overlooked by practitioners.

"It is sometimes difficult to get a goodnight kiss after one of these dates," he admitted, while adding that second dates are "rarely" a problem. "But that is a small price to pay for a 12-ounce filet mignon and a bottle of a decent cabernet sauvignon, am I right?"

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