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March 13, 2007

Music Major Strikes Gold with Radio Jingles, Porn Soundtracks

By Billy Pilgrim, Codependent Collegian Rogue Editor

Muldowsky: Hard to make the Benjamins with the TSO

(Toledo, OH)—University of Toledo alumnus Rick Muldowsky always hoped that his degree in music composition and performance would lead to a lifelong career with nationally respected symphonies, and perhaps even his own meager recording contract with a small, independent label.

Instead, Muldowsky has enjoyed a lucrative, if not personally-rewarding, career in mainstream music production by composing numerous radio jingles and porno soundtracks since his 1994 graduation.

“When I left university, I had all these lofty plans—spend a few years apprenticing with the Toledo Symphony, maybe some late-night disc jockeying for public radio—you know, make a name for myself before relocating to Boston or New York,” Muldowsky explained while oiling his trumpet valves. “But I make less than ten grand a year with the TSO, so when the director for ‘Lord of the Dongs’ called about doing a score for his trilogy, let’s just say my ears were open. The rest is history.”

Shaking the moneymaker

Since that fateful phone-call, Muldowsky has been a self-proclaimed “whore at the low-brow music gang-bang,” working as both a composer and performer on countless commercials and erotic films.

“Ohio state lottery jingle? Mine. Riff for the new Bowling Green University ad? Mine. Soundtrack for the ‘Ass-to-Mouth Chronicles,’ numbers 1-13? All mine,” Muldowsky vented with a mixture of pride and self-loathing. “I only hope that someone at Sony Classical hears one of my compositions while beating their meat and looks me up. If I have to write three-part cello harmonies for one more lesbian mud-fight, I’m gonna lose my mind.”

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