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March 17, 2007

Ethics Student Plagiarizes Class Presentation on Plagiarism

By Billy Pilgrim, Codependent Collegian Rogue Editor

Hask: Taking His Disciplinary Suspension in Stride

(Durham, NC)—Duke University junior Matthew Hask has never been one to fully embrace the intellectual pursuits of academic study, and as the rebellious son of a Baptist minister, he has begrudged much of his coursework as a Comparative Religion major.

Still, it came as an “utter shock” to his friends and family alike when Hask was caught earlier this week plagiarizing an ethics presentation on, of all things, plagiarism.

“Look dude, Professor Robinson is a complete bitch, and with March Madness going on, how am I suppose to find the time to do research in the library?” Hask beseeched as he cracked his first beer of the afternoon. “I mean, I still gave the presentation, so I should still get some credit. I mean, the handout and PowerPoint were … borrowed … but it was still me up there talking n’ stuff. I even wore a clean pair of jeans that day.”

Hask said that there were "extenuating circumstances" that should mitigate his "error."

"Listen - I downloaded the shit, gave it a catchy file name, and even added a couple of cool pics featuring some hot-looking Vassar chicks," he said, pausing to belch. "Doesn't that count for something? I spent like two hours searching for all of this, although that does include my break time, when I smoked a couple of bowls and listened to In the Court of the Crimson King."

King Crimson also an inspiration for the borrowed presentation

Sadly, Ethics Professor Diana Robinson could not see past the irony of Hask’s behavior.

“Can you fucking believe this kid?” Robinson moaned while pausing from a looming stack of essays. “As an upperclassman, he only had to give one presentation all semester in this course, and he stole all his materials from the internet. I mean, his PowerPoint still had the name of some professor from Clemson on it, for Christ’s sake. Hask is looking forward to a lifetime of pumping gas if he doesn’t get his shit straight.”

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