.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}
February 12, 2007

Opinion: There Ain’t No Brothas Up in New Hampshire

Terrance Roxy, University of New Hampshire freshman and the only black man in Durham By Terrance Roxy, University of New Hampshire freshman

Roxy: Lost in a sea of crackers

(Durham, NH)—Man, I should have known something was up when they offered my black ass a full ride. I graduated high school with a 2.8 GPA, can’t play ball worth a damn, and couldn’t care less about extra curricular activities, unless you count panty-droppin.’ Now here I am, a month into my second semester, and the cold reality of this shit has finally sunk in: there ain’t no brothas up in New Hampshire.

And you know, my pops warned me about this. “Son,” he said, “I will always be proud of you, and support whatever decisions you make. But New Hampshire? Good luck finding an R&B station.” I guess that was his way of laying it out, and goddamn it, I should have taken his advice and gone to the community college.

See, I was born and raised in Hotlanta, so this place is like...well, like fuckin’ Mars. There’s only three clubs in town: two of them are bowling alleys with beer taps, and the other has mounted deer antlers, so let’s just say they ain’t my kind of places. Nobody stays up past 9 o’clock anyways, and the highlight of the day is Wheel of Fortune. You’d think Vanna was the Virgin Mary or something the way everybody crowds around the TV in my dorm lounge every night after supper. How old is that bitch? 49? 54? Too old to be wearing those sequins, I can tell you that. Anna Nicole Smith is about as old as I would go.

New Hampshire pharmacist who is really excited to see a black manExcited to finally meet a brotha

And don’t get me wrong, the people here are really nice. But sometimes they’re…they’re too nice. I had some pharmacist talk to me about my asthma for twenty minutes last week when all I needed was a refill. After a while, I thought he was gonna invite me home to teach his kids to break-dance.

No wonder all these New Englanders are so liberal on Civil Rights—they ain’t go nobody to be civil with! Black folks wanna vote? Sure, none of ‘em live here! Gays want to marry? Why not, we’ve never met any! Keep abortion legal? Hell, nobody here ever gets their swerve on!

Maybe I just need some more time to adjust. This cold-ass weather is messing with my head. You know some dude asked me the other day if I wanted to play pond hockey? For. Real. Anyways, I’m gonna go watch the second season of In Living Color on DVD and try to unwind. Holla.

Labels: , ,


# posted by Subcomandante Bob : 5:12 PM
Comments: Post a Comment



<< Home
Copyright 2007, Codependent Collegian ® . Unauthorized duplication prohibited, but feel free to link away. This is a satirical newspaper, and many of these stories are fictional. You have to guess which ones are faked. Codependent Collegian ® uses invented names in its stories, except when public figures are being satirized, or when we post a real story. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Subcomandante Bob once got jiggy with your mom, and she does things in bed that would shock you, dude. The content of this website is the property of Codependent Collegian ® and its authors, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. Codependent Collegian ® is not designed for readers under 18 years of age. FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, sustainable development, environmental, community and worker health, democracy, public disclosure, corporate accountability, and social justice issues, mostly because hot college women are also interested in the same issues. Go figure. Anyways, we believe this constitutes a "fair use" of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without fee or payment of any kind to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes, except when you are using it to get laid. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?