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February 1, 2007

"Miracle Stapler" of Texas Prof Defies Logic

Red stapler with magical powersLeft: The little stapler that could

(Austin, TX) Philosophy professor Lars Hendrikkson came into possession of a curious red stapler two years ago, gathering dust in a corner of his 10'x 12' office.

"Whoever had this space before me left it here," he told Codependent Collegian reporters. "I'm guessing that person didn't realize the miracle-in-the-making that was occurring with this particular stapler."

The "miracle" that Hendrikkson described is the fact that he has never put staples in the device, despite its regular use in his work.

"And I do a fair bit of stapling: exams, papers, proposals," he said. "I'm not exactly as busy as, say, an office worker with it, but I should have had to resupply it some time, right? I mean, the thing only holds one row of staples. Of course, since I've never had to actually open it, who knows what's really inside it. Tell you the truth - this stapler kind of scares me."

Philosophy professor HendrikksonLeft: Lucky prof may never have to requisition staples again

Hendrikkson said that there are "historical and religious" parallels to his discovery, noting a number of Biblical similarities to his own finding.

"The obvious comparison is to the whole loaves and fishes deal that Christ had," he said, holding up the stapler in the flickering fluorescent lights of his office. "But I'm not sure if I want to make that leap of faith yet. Plus, I might get stuck with a line of like 5,000 people wanting their papers stapled. Don't know if I can handle that kind of commitment, you know?"

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