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February 9, 2007

Jerking Off to Anna Nicole Pic Makes Student Feel Like a Necrophiliac

Grossed out student regrets being a fan of the late Anna Nicole Smith (Ann Arbor, MI) University of Michigan sophomore Kevin Miller has been a "lifelong" admirer of late celebrity Anna Nicole Smith, and assembled an impressive collection of erotic photographs of the sex icon.

Miller's passion for using Anna Nicole images as inspiration for his masturbation sessions, though, may soon end.

"I just finished up spanking the plank to the 1993 Playboy issue with Anna Nicole," he told Codependent Collegian reporters. "Then I looked in the mirror, looked down at my hand, and I felt totally sick, like I was a necrophiliac or something."

Miller said that the event was "even more traumatic" after he walked out of the bathroom.

"My roommate totally knew what I had been doing in there, and it was like he read my mind," he said, looking down. "He said: 'You are one sick bastard, dude!' and you know what? He was right."

Miller's relationship with Anna Nicole Smith has taken a twisted pathMiller's relationship with Anna Nicole Smith has taken a bizarre, disturbing path

Given the fact that Miller has invested "almost a thousand dollars" in his Anna Nicole collection, the biology major finds himself at a crossroads.

"Part of me wants to burn the whole fucking pile, purge my hard drive, and scrub myself in the shower for about an hour," he admitted. "But I've grown accustomed to her two-dimensional face and body, and I think a part of me died yesterday, too. When you spend so much time with a person, they become, like, a part of your very skin, and it's impossible to just tear your skin off, although I did give myself a bad chafing down there one crazy weekend with Anna Nicole."

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This kid is a really disturbed freak!
What do you expect? He's from U of M!!!!
Wrong wrong WRONG
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