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February 4, 2007

Glut of Ear Wax Keeps Student from Attending Early Lecture

University of Texas sophomore Gavin Presley, excessive ear wax sufferer (Austin, TX) University of Texas sophomore Gavin Presley, speaking with Codependent Collegian reporters, described the horror of discovering an excessive amount of ear wax that prevented him from attending Friday's Microeconomics lecture.

"Everything was fine when I woke up. Then I jumped out of the shower, and I was like totally deaf," he said, tugging at his left earlobe. "When I stuck a Q-Tip in there, I couldn't believe all the crud that came out."

After spending nearly ten minutes poking and flushing out his ears, Presley came to a decision.

"There was just no way I was going to be able to give the professor my undivided attention, what with some of that gunk still in my ear canal," he said, shaking his head. "The best thing I could do was to stay in my dorm. Plus - if I was digging in my ear during lecture, I'm sure I would have been a distraction to the other students, so this was really more about a selfless act on my part."

Sample of the sticky discharge Presley removed from his earSample of the sticky discharge Presley removed from his ear, keeping him yet again from class

The semester to date has proven to be a difficult one for Presley, as other hygiene-relaed issues have interfered with his attendance at the 8:00 am class.

"Two weeks ago I had this, like, explosion of hangnails that sidelined me, and I spent about two hours getting them under control," he recalled. "Then last week I noticed these freaky-looking nose hairs sticking down, making me look like I was starting a Fu Manchu. I swear, it's like my body is deliberately trying to cause me to flunk this class."

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One of my ticker headlines on my site is: "New ear mirror lets you see your own ear crud"

You want to go into business? There's millions of filthy ears out there! Great story.
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