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July 15, 2006

Medieval Studies Professor Spends Summer Building Moat

By Billy Pilgrim, Codependent Collegian Rogue Editor

(Durham, NH)—Ronald Martin, assistant professor of Medieval Culture and Languages at the University of New Hampshire, recently embarked on a highly ambitious project: he plans to build a moat around his single-family home in the Durham suburbs.

And while many in the local community have tentatively embraced Martin’s eccentric project, some feel it may be the first outward sign of his growing mental instability.

“He keeps referring to me as his ‘faire maiden,’” remarked Martin’s 14-year-old daughter Cassandra. “I mean, dad has always been a geek, but lately he’s been nutty. I’m talkin’ Ray Combs nutty.”

Martin’s officemate and close friend Dr. Sharon Lucas echoes this deep concern for what appears to be a peculiar form of self-employment.

“Ron started talking about that goddamned moat back in April, but I thought it was a joke,” Lucas reflected. “Ever since he was accused of grade inflation last fall, it’s like a part of his soul is gone. He even started keeping a broad sword in the back seat of his ’96 Corolla—he said it was to ‘protect his chivalry.’ I really hope he doesn’t hurt anyone.”

Contacted by the Codependent Collegian, Martin expressed disdain at his detractors.

"I, Sir Ronald, by the permission of God, have come into these parts as an ambassador with a divine admonition to you, the servants of God," he intoned. "O, what a disgrace if such a despised and base race, which worships demons, should conquer a people which has the faith of omnipotent God and is made glorious with the name of Christ!"

He's obviously nuts, and will be back on here in a month or so after stabbing someone for biting their thumb at him or something...
Good to see a man taking the phrase "a man's home is his castle" seriously.
this fucker is great, i wish i knew him
I wouldn't worry until he starts walking around in a suit of armor and laying seige to the barbarians in frat row.
sounds like bullshit to me
Very cool site!
"...Ray Combs' nutty."

"All the news that we can make up. Professors, students, college administrators, and everyone else we can think of get skewered here."
...apparently hasn't tipped many of you off that this is a JOKE. I pity the fools!
what a great professor.
kick. ass. i wish he was related to me, that way i'd have someone INTERESTING in my family...
the man obvelously loves his profession, the more people haress him the more nutty he will seem im sure, let him do what he wants and when he finishes he can come dig me a moat, its not a bad idea...kudos to him.
Obviously this is a satire/fake news site. Yawn.
I offer my services to design the ensuing palisade and portcullis. I'm a dab hand at a shovel and former school girl champion at archery so who knows just how useful I could be on a project of this scope and merit. I can also spin wool, make parchment, and I know my way around a Simples chest (to treat those nasty wounds inflicted by seax or sword or arrow). In other words, my lord, I await your call.
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