.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}
June 3, 2006

Student Has "Mostly Figured Out" Solution to Iran Crisis

(Washington, DC) Georgetown junior education major Tad Cochrane, normally "kind of turned off" by international politics, has developed what he describes as a "breakthrough" in the Iranian nuclear dilemma.

"Pretty simply, we should just go over there and nuke the entire Godforsaken country, turning the place into a giant sheet of glass," he said, adding that he has spent "weeks" on his research. "I mean, nothing against the Iranian people, but it's like "wrong place at the wrong time," you know? Kind of like when I was at this kegger last year, and the cops hauled away me and 30 other partiers. It totally sucked, but what are you going to do?"

Cochrane believes that, in the long run, his strategy will save the United States a great deal of "time and money."

"Pretty much you know we are going to have to take those bastards on, so why not drop a hundred of the big ones on them now?" he asked. "Those nukes have been rusting in their silos since the Soviets threw in the towel, and we paid for them like a hundred years ago, so why not just cut to the chase?"

His success in arriving at this novel geopolitical solution, according to Cochrane, has caused him to reconsider his educational goals.

"Washington could, like, use more people who can think straight," he said. "I might have to switch to a major in something like "Government," "War Stuff," or whatever they call the degree you need to order missile launching."

heh heh...

That guy said "missile."
Oh My God !!!! The Next President in the making (I hope not or we are all screwed)
He's more qualified to be president than George Bush, and I find that quite alarming...
rofl im voting for this kid, my typoe of leader ill help pushing the buttom
Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home
Copyright 2007, Codependent Collegian ® . Unauthorized duplication prohibited, but feel free to link away. This is a satirical newspaper, and many of these stories are fictional. You have to guess which ones are faked. Codependent Collegian ® uses invented names in its stories, except when public figures are being satirized, or when we post a real story. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Subcomandante Bob once got jiggy with your mom, and she does things in bed that would shock you, dude. The content of this website is the property of Codependent Collegian ® and its authors, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. Codependent Collegian ® is not designed for readers under 18 years of age. FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, sustainable development, environmental, community and worker health, democracy, public disclosure, corporate accountability, and social justice issues, mostly because hot college women are also interested in the same issues. Go figure. Anyways, we believe this constitutes a "fair use" of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without fee or payment of any kind to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes, except when you are using it to get laid. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?