.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}
September 8, 2005

Mentally-Challenged Employee Only One Who Washes Hands At Local Restaurant


By: Billy Pilgrim, Codependent Collegian Rogue Editor

(Toledo, OH)—Wally York, a special needs employee at a nearby Arby’s, is the only employee who regularly washes his hands before his shift or after using the lavatory, according to a recent report by the Lucas County Board of Health.

“That nigga ain’t right,” commented Sheila Watkins, a part-time employee who often works weeknights with York. “He goes in [the restroom] like, a million times every night, and he never zips up his fly. I bet he beats his shit in there. I don’t trust anybody who smiles all the goddamn time like that.”

York was unavailable for comment, but shift manager Tim Bowland vouched for his professionalism.

“Look—the guy drools and has no idea how to fill out his time card, but he’s one of the best employees I got," he said. "At least he doesn’t steal food like you-know-who.”

Fry cook Bobby Masson disagreed.

“There’s something wrong with that boy,” he said. “It just ain’t natural to be in the bathroom so much.”

Arby’s, LLC—the parent company of all Arby’s, T.J. Cinnamons and Pasta Connection restaurants— affirmed its dedication to hygienic kitchens and quality meals in a recent press release.

“While the City of Toledo has legitimate concerns about the condition of this Arby’s restaurant,” the release read, “we are nonetheless proud of Mr. York and his shining example of productivity, determination, and cleanliness. If every Arby’s employee had an I.Q. of 48, our success would be limitless.”

Comments:
Man that's cold
 
What do you expect from a company that has a talking oven mitt?

I mean they could at least have something cool like the ranch tooth.

:-)
 
Ha ha ha ha ha
 
Feckin' great blog, keep up the good work. If you don't get 'noticed' I'll eat my hat.
 
Post a Comment



<< Home
Copyright 2007, Codependent Collegian ® . Unauthorized duplication prohibited, but feel free to link away. This is a satirical newspaper, and many of these stories are fictional. You have to guess which ones are faked. Codependent Collegian ® uses invented names in its stories, except when public figures are being satirized, or when we post a real story. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Subcomandante Bob once got jiggy with your mom, and she does things in bed that would shock you, dude. The content of this website is the property of Codependent Collegian ® and its authors, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. Codependent Collegian ® is not designed for readers under 18 years of age. FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, sustainable development, environmental, community and worker health, democracy, public disclosure, corporate accountability, and social justice issues, mostly because hot college women are also interested in the same issues. Go figure. Anyways, we believe this constitutes a "fair use" of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without fee or payment of any kind to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes, except when you are using it to get laid. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?