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November 16, 2008

I Wish a New York Cop Would Sodomize ME

It seems like every time I turn on the news, there's another story about New York City cops sodomizing a suspect. Whether it's slivered broomsticks, their metal flashlights, or just a good old-fashioned throbbing hunk of man-meat, there's like a non-stop sodomy-fest going on in the Big Apple.

Some folks just have all the luck: why can't a muscular NYPD cop sodomize ME?

I've tried hanging around cop bars to get sodomized, but the closest I've gotten to hot-and-sweaty reaming was a beat-down by an obviously homophobic sergeant from the 113 Precinct at a South Queens shot-and-beer bar. Now, I like it rough once in a while, but a broken nose and two cracked ribs is a bit over the top, you know? A simple "no thanks" or "get away from me, faggot" would have sufficed.

But I digress.

Then I tried making calls to 911 for police assistance, like the time I said I saw a strange man in the bushes. I waited naked for three hours in my rhododendrons, hoping a nice, ripped cop would "discover" me and sodomize me, thinking I was the pervert. But no: they never showed, and I wound up with a wicked rash from crawling around in the landscaping.

I even tried lying naked in a cop car outside a Bronx diner while a cop was eating, but the fucker Maced me in the face and crotch. Bee-Jeebers! What exactly does a guy have to do to get a New York cop to sodomize him these days?

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