Codependent Collegian

By Billy Pilgrim, Codependent Collegian Rogue Editor

Sam: Not Quite a Klansman, but Close

(Lafayette, MS)—The American Redneck Student Society, commonly known as A.R.S.E., recently announced that its executive council unanimously voted to adopt beloved Looney Toons curmudgeon Yosemite Sam as their national emblem.

“Billy, as southern white men, we have few voices in mainstream culture,” explained Walt “Mad Dog” Bixler, a spokesman for A.R.S.E. “In an age gone mad with the internet and microbrews and that colored man runnin’ for president, our organization felt it was time to reassert our identity and pride in all things mustache-and-revolver related.”

Bixler continued to outline how the group’s commitment to “traditional values” helps A.R.S.E. gain increased membership and participation, even among on urbanite college campuses.

“You’d think a bunch of flannel-wearin’ belchers like us would only attract the worse breed of community college flunk-outs and habitual sex offenders,” Bixler intoned between sips from his can of Natural Light. “But it simply isn’t the case. We have Dingleberries—that’s what we call our members—at every level of higher education, from Dartmouth to Yale to Georgia Tech, not to mention our home institution here at Ole Miss [the University of Mississippi] where we can boast of nearly a thousand members. And now with that rascal Yosemite Sam as our symbol, the sky’s the limit until we get sued for copyright infringement.”

Labels: rednecks, Yosemite Sam