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April 12, 2008

Teacher Horrified by Nudity in Holocaust Filmstrip

By Billy Pilgrim, Codependent Collegian Rogue Editor

Todd: Prefers Her History to Be Decent, Please and Thank You

(Pine Bluff, AR)—Cheryl Todd, an eighth grade history teacher at White Hall Junior High in Pine Bluff, Arkansas, was mortified earlier this morning when she realized her filmstrip on the Holocaust contained brief frontal nudity.

“My cat Mr. Whiskers has the sniffles, so my lesson plans have been slapdash all week,” a visibly disturbed Todd explained while sucking on a Parliament menthol in the teacher’s break room. “This documentary came highly recommended from Rita [McGovern, who also teaches eighth grade history], so I decided to use it without screening it first myself. How was I supposed to know it showed show boobies and beavers and all those emaciated Jews with their privates hanging out? I’m counting my lucky stars—no pun intended—that none of those randy boys in the second row pulled their thingies out and masturbated right then and there!”

Todd expressed why she remains adamant about censoring instructional materials.

“These kids are hornier than parolees at a peep show,” Todd lamented. “In March I showed a PBS documentary on the Civil Rights movement. Did these sex-starved tweenies gain a deeper appreciation for Dr. King? No. Did they realize how brutal segregation was? No. Did they snicker for two whole weeks about the girl who had her shirt blown off by a policeman’s water hose? Absolutely. It’s a shame they don’t make a CD called “Sounds of the Holocaust” or something so I could just hit play and grade this teetering stack of quizzes.”

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