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March 22, 2008

Jesus Would Want Us to Party Hearty All Easter Weekend

Guest Editorial by Tre Drummond,
Penn State Class of 2010

Listen up: I've gone to church for a long, long time, ever since my parents had me baptized, so don't give me no crap about being a heathen or anything. Jesus H. Christ is in my house, you feel me?

And it is because I am down with the Savior of the World that I know that Jesus would not want us sitting around moping on the weekend of His death. He would want us celebrating His holy life and shit, and that means packing away at least a case of beer a day apiece on Easter Weekend.

Look - wasn't Jesus the one who turned the water into wine? If He wasn't cool with maintaining 24/7 buzzery, He would have turned water into Kool-Aid or orange soda or some other non-alcoholic shit.

And what about weed? You just know that Jesus and the apostles stoked some major bluntage. Why the hell else would they be eating crappy food in the desert, and not out working real jobs and shit? 'Cuz they were stoners, that's why. And Genesis 1:29 says it all: "Behold, I have given you every herb-bearing seed which is upon the face of all the earth."

Dude, even the Heavenly Father was all about smoking a fatty!

So, I propose that we remember the memory of Jesus Christ by getting as fucked up as we can and staying that way until, like, Easter Wednesday and shit. It's the least we can do to keep alive the legend of the Original Stoners.


amen to that girl everyone it is not a sin lol

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