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January 29, 2008

My Learning Style is Ambivalence

A Codependent Collegian Guest Editorial
By Frances Ivers, University of Miami Class of 2010

Ivers, “Self-Portrait with Pencils,” a Crayon and Loose-Leaf Composition

Professor McMillan, I know it would appear to the untrained eye that I am a poor student, what with the slouching, the doodling, and even the occasional text message that I try to stealthily jot while you are busy writing stuff on the board.

But let me assure you that ambivalence is, in fact, my established learning style, and as a respected educator I hope that you can adapt your methods accordingly.

See, kids of my generation have all different ways of learning. Some people are really language-oriented, so they take extensive notes and rephrase concepts themselves in order to retain information. Other people are auditory, and tape lectures so they can listen to key passages later on when they’re studying for a major test.

But me, I’ve found that nonchalance, indifference, and a general disdain for classroom etiquette are the pathways to my academic success. Teachers in the past have remarked that my learning style is peculiar, and encouraged me to be more actively engaged, but nearly fifteen years with a respectable C- average speaks for itself.

So the next time you’re lecturing, Professor McMillan, and think I’m a total jerkass for sketching girl-dragons with huge boobs and flamethrowers in the margin of whatever handout you’ve just distributed, remember that ambivalence is my learning style, and I’m somehow retaining enough of your lesson to flub the next exam.

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