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October 22, 2007

Student Recalls Restroom Stall Sex Proposition "Nightmare"

(Ann Arbor, MI) Cody Phillips describes himself as a "pretty tolerant guy," but a recent experience in the restroom of the Shapiro Science Library brought terror to the University of Michigan senior.

"I was in the middle stall when it happened: a foot came from under the dividing wall and bumped mine," he remembered, still visibly shaken by the encounter. "It was like one of those horror movies, you know? I had visions of getting ass-raped by some syphilis-dripping degenerates, like something out of Deliverance. Scary shit."

Phillips said that the unknown occupant of the end stall of the second-floor restroom was persistent.

"When the second and third foot-taps happened, I had this sinking, nauseous feeling in my stomach," he said, involuntarily cracking his knuckles. "I just knew that any minute this sick SOB was going to pull a knife, slit my throat, and have sex with my dying corpse."

In future trips to the Shaprio Library restrooms, added Phillips, he is going in with "backup."

"I figure if some of my bros come along, the toilet queers will be less aggressive," he predicted. "The last thing I need going into finals is dealing with a wicked homosexual-type rape. Something like that could totally mess up a dude, maybe turn him gay. And I am so completely not gay, it's not even funny. One time when this dude at a party grabbed my ass in the hallway, I almost killed him. That's how not gay I am, bro."

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