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October 17, 2007

Kid Rock Reaffirms Status as Talentless Lout

With the release of new LP Rock N Roll Jesus, Detroit musician Kid Rock said that he had but one goal in mind.

"It's no surprise that God shortchanged me in the department of talent, and I looked to Rock N Roll Jesus to cement my reputation as an artist devoid of any measurable skill," said Rock, who was born Robert James Ritchie. "With my lame samples, ill-suited covers, and infantile riffs and chord structures, I have accomplished all that and more. I'm making Vanilla Ice look like Paul freaking McCartney, y'all."

Rock said that some of his recent collaborative work made some industry observers question his reputation as an inept babboon.

"That duet with Sheryl Crow knocked a few people around, didn't it?" he chuckled, referencing the 2003 song "Picture." "But I'm back, y'all, with my utter incompetence and derivative inanity as forgetable as ever."

Rock added that fans need no longer worry about his brief forays into legitimate music.

"I know what my people want - music that even someone with a 32-IQ can drool along with," he said. "The world needs a benchmark for the lowest common denominator, and this talentless lout has reclaimed the crown. Boo-yah!"

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