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September 28, 2007

Student Is Given Extra Exam Time to Pump Baby Gravy

A Princeton student must be given extra break time during a law licensing exam to milk his purple headed yogurt slinger, a New Jersey appeals court judge ruled today.

The student, Rod Johnson, had sued the National Board of Law School Examiners after it denied his request for more than the standard 45 minutes of allotted breaks during the nine-hour exam, which he will take over two days.

Johnson said he risked medical complications if he did not perform spooge reduction techniques every two to three hours.

"Pretty basically, when stiffage occurs, my brain cannot perform beyond the most primal of functions," he noted. "But after the pouring of the man chowder, it's all good. I think it's awesome that I'll be able to compete with the non-woodage students now, instead of having to contend with a spontaneous tent-pitching every few hours, surrounded by all those short skirts and pushup bras."


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