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September 25, 2007

How Come Our High School Teachers Never Wanted to Sleep With Us?

Guest Editorial by Caleb Norrington
Penn State Class of 2008


You probably heard about Karen Robbins, the South Carolina teacher who was jailed last weekend and charged with three counts each of criminal sexual conduct with a minor and committing a lewd act on a child.

It seems like a regular epidemic of these sex-crazed teachers, like every school's got two or three horny-ass MILFs banging every teenaged pecker in sight.

What I want to know is this: where were all these itching-to-bang teachers when I was in high school?

Back in the day at Theodore Roosevelt High School, we never had kinky Chemistry teachers or lustful Language teachers. No sir, we had 65-year-old Mrs. Tatum and her knee-high support hose, or that lesbian gym teacher Miss Freley. We couldn't get laid by a teacher if we looked like Brad Pitt and offered them fifty grand.

Except for Mr. Perry, the custodian, who was always trying to corner the work-study guys and "bump" into them with his boner right there in his pants. Yes, I must admit we could have gotten bent over a toilet in the boys' bathroom by Mr. Perry, but getting cornholed by a semi-literate pedophile ain't exactly my idea of "hot sex," you know?

So I end this missive with a plea to the teachers from all the nation's randy high school freshmen: If you are going to give it up to students, I say be sure to spread yourself around as much as possible. There's a whole generation of American boys just chomping at the bit for some teacher sex.

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