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August 23, 2007

Impoverished Students Vow to "Swipe Everyhting in Sight"

(East Lansing, MI) Tad Bowerman's student loans ran out three days ago, and the junior engineering student found himself in "desperate straits."

That's when he decided to go "all-out" on a process of full-scale acquisition of houesehold needs.

"It started when we crashed this hotel party last weekend, and we saw an unattended maid's cart," said Bowerman. "It was a free-for-all on sopas, shampoos, mouthwash, and about 2 dozen rolls of toilet paper."

Bowerman said that he and his roommate, Chris Jericho, have been on a "wild hunt" every night since.

"We hit the Wendy's on Grand River and waltzed out with two cases of crackers and a box of ketchup," he said, adding that the pair also netted "two sleeve" of napkins. "Then we drove past this KFC and hit the jackpot."

While the delivery driver was inside flirting with the day manager, Tad and Chris helped themselves to "shitloads" of frozen goods.

"We couldn't believe it - whole cases of chicken nuggets, french fries, and catfish filets," said Bowerman. "We might be able to get by on this until our summer refund comes."

Jerischo said that neither man believes that what they are doing is "theft."

"Listen - they got insurance for stuff like this," he said. "Besides with the money they have raped us over the years - we deserve a few freebies."

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