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July 3, 2007

"International Student" is Just a Euphemism for "Frigging Terorrist"

Education major Tad Cochrane Guest editorial by Tad Cochrane,
Georgetown University education major

You see them all over this bloody campus: funny-looking brown and yellow people wearing weird clothes and speaking like they have a chicken bone stuck in their throats. That, plus they always have this stale cabbage aroma thing going on.

The university weenies call them "international students," but to you and me they are really nothing more than TERRORISTS. Yes, you hard me: t-e-r-r-o-r-i-s-t-s.

"WHAT?!?!" you gasp, looking at me with that PC-horror. "They're just people!"

Oh, they're people all right. People who want to blow up the entire United States and turn it into a sand pit. That's why they are always engineers, so they can learn how to create more WMD.

Except for this Saudi chick named Baheera in my political science class. Oh my God - she is absolutely frigging HOT, dude! She's got these beautiful brown eyes, a perfect figure, and she is so damned cute the way she says my name; it comes out like "Todd" instead of "Tad." I find myself staring at her for like three-quarters of the class, dreaming of lying on her bed and plowing her fertile fields.

But really- that's how the terrorists hook you. They make you think they are just like you, and then BAM! Out pops the suitcase nukes. I bet Baheera's stashing a a 2-kiloton nuke in her garage or something.

But this patriot's not falling for it, nossir. As soon as I bag Baheera I am going to look over every square inch of her apartment and find those WMDs, and I am going to dowload every file on her computer and send it to the FBI.

You just never know.

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