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June 8, 2007

I, For One, am Glad Paris Hilton's Back in Jail

Guest editorial by a pile of cocaine

Do you know the intense fear of having a Hoovering coke fiend on the loose? No, you do not, because you are most likely not a pile of cocaine, like me.

And news that Paris Hilton got returned to the slammer is just fine by me. I've probably got at least 20 more days before I have to worry about that Peruvian flake-scarfing maniac coming after me.

Yes, I'm a mighty big pile of Bolivian marching powder, but have you seen the schnozz on that skank? I'll bet she could shelter squirrels in that cavern, so she'd have no problem huffing me up in one nostril.

So for me? I am as happy as a cat in a parakeet cage, at least until Queen Blow gets out.

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