Codependent Collegian

A Guest Editorial by Chaz Wonalecker,
State University of New York freshman

Chaz: The most gangsta Economics major in Buffalo, straight up

Yo yo yo. This is The Chaz here, so shut the fuck up and listen to whats I got to say, ‘cause it be like, mad socially relevant. Word.

Some bitches--who will remain nameless *cough* Stacy Franklen *cough*--be thinkin’ that brothas up on this campus go too far when they spit they game, and in fact, might be date rapin’, which be a serious mothafuckin’ crime.

But I be here to set the record straight: when you gets a girl alone in a laundry room, or dorm shower, or one of them maintenance buildings they gots all over campus, and she’s had so many daiquiris that she about to be a puke volcano, and gots no idea how many inches she about to take in her front-butt, that ain’t no date rape, son. That’s just good, ol’ fashioned mackage.

See, the problem is this: there ain’t no such thing as date rape. What there is, though, is some weepy-ass sophomore wakin’ up the next morning bowlegged and hungover, getting’ all contemplative on a nigga after she talk to her girlfriends about the night previous. In economics, this be what we call ‘buyer’s remorse.’

There’s an easy way to solve this shit. Have the bitch calm the fuck down, talk with the playa, and takes a ride to the clinic. Afterwards, they can gets a slurpee, hug, and my boy can slip a few twenties in the bitch’s purse just to be, like, easin’ her emotional state.

So the next time you see a thug gettin’ his mack on, don’t be hatin’. Cause there ain’t no such thing as date rape—it just be smooth-ass persuasion.

Labels: date rape, economics, mackin, SUNY