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April 4, 2007

Student Pissed That Britain Didn't Bomb the Shit Out of Iran

Education major Tad Cochrane Left: Cochrane would have turned Tehran into a sheet of glass

(Washington, DC) Georgetown University education major Tad Cochrane, speaking with Codependent Collegian reporters, voiced his displeasure with Tony Blair's insistence on diplomacy to resolve the hostage crisis, despite the fact that the 15 sailors were freed.

"Tony Blair needs to grow a pair, dude. I mean he'd probably go in the corner and cry if he had a boo-boo on his finger and shit," said a dejected Cochrane. "He's a total wuss and must make his wife miserable. I'm surprised he manages to get up in the morning and pick out what socks to wear, he's so indecisive."

Cochrane left little doubt about what he would have done, had he been holding court at 10 Downing Street.

"I'd have strapped the backpack nuke on my own ass and hand-delivered the package to Ahmadinejad," he said, boxing with an invisible foe. "Before you know it, VA-VOOOOOOOM! Goodbye, Tehran."

A more manly man would have nuked the Iranians

Cochrane remains convinced that a leader with "steel cojones" will eventually stand up to the Iranians.

"I still have hope that my boy George W. will drop a dozen big ones on those ragheaded sand Nazis," he said, pressing an imaginary nuclear detonation device. "But I can wait until 2009 if I have to. Maybe Hillary will show Bill who has the bigger schlong and blast those Persian rug merchants back to Nebuchadnezzar's day. Boo-yah!"

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