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April 29, 2007

Gender Studies Prof Celebrates Semester’s End with Internet Pornfest

By Billy Pilgrim, Codependent Collegian Rogue Editor

Hodges: Feminist, scholar, and lover of ass-to-mouth action

(Kingston, RI)—University of Rhode Island Professor of Gender Studies Tamara Hodges has dedicated her life to teaching students about the sinister injustices of patriarchy, and challenges her undergraduates to fight stereotypes of women that are so pervasive in today’s media.

But after a particularly grueling semester, Hodges has surrendered to her wanton desires, and has decided to spend the entire weekend watching internet pornography while tapping the vast stores of her wine collection.

“In my advanced courses, we often discuss how pornography is degrading and subjugating to American women,” Hodges noted while slowly caressing the buttons on her blouse. “But goddamn it, I’ve graded 47 essays since Tuesday, and I’m getting tanked on merlot and watching some hardcore fucking. I get pretty loopy on merlot, by the way, so some crazy shit could go down here in the next few hours if, say, a certain reporter were to stick around.”

Hodges continued to outline her gratuitous plans for drunkenness and voyeurism.

“If I’m still conscious at midnight, I might order some Cantonese food and draw a bath,” Hodges whimsically pondered. “Or I might just open another bottle and fingerblast myself before passing out on the kitchen tile. God, I haven’t been laid in months. It’s a shame some journalist can’t just tie me to the bedpost and pound me like he was piledriving a Union Pacific rail spike.”

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