.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}
April 1, 2007

College Rental House Addresses Immigration Crisis

Left: Illegals getting the upper hand

(Baltimore, MD) Derrick Lingenschnauffer, in whose name is the lease for the house on West North Avenue, appeared before his fellow Coppin State housemates yesterday to discuss the critical problem of illegal immigration at the building.

"A certain group of slimy bastards from Poplar Grove Street - and we all know who they are - have been calling this place "home" without obtaining legal residency in the guise of actual rent," said Lingenschnauffer. "The tremendous social costs in the form of missing Doritos and backed-up toliets put the natural residents of this place in one seriously foul mood."

Lingenschnauffer said the residents of the house must unite to fight the illegal aliens.

"Each of us bears a responsibility to keep 1904 West North Avenue a safe and prosperous homeland," he said. "It is with this goal that we will install a card reader front door lock, as well as a big-ass fence to keep freeloading scum like Spliffy and Moe the hell away from here."

Left: Illegal immigrants lowering property values and being a general nuisance

One of the major hurdles the house faces, said Lingenschnauffer, was the "touchy-feely liberal element" in the house.

"Look - these low-lifes carry diseases, and they take up space that could go to actual cash-possessing tenants," he said. "I know how easy it is to feel sorry for them, but they take the money they save on rent and ship it off to out-of-town dope dealers. It's time we take a stand for freedom and our heritage, if not our collective rent and the leftover pizza they are always mooching."

Labels: , ,


# posted by Subcomandante Bob : 4:25 PM
Comments: Post a Comment



<< Home
Copyright 2007, Codependent Collegian ® . Unauthorized duplication prohibited, but feel free to link away. This is a satirical newspaper, and many of these stories are fictional. You have to guess which ones are faked. Codependent Collegian ® uses invented names in its stories, except when public figures are being satirized, or when we post a real story. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Subcomandante Bob once got jiggy with your mom, and she does things in bed that would shock you, dude. The content of this website is the property of Codependent Collegian ® and its authors, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. Codependent Collegian ® is not designed for readers under 18 years of age. FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, sustainable development, environmental, community and worker health, democracy, public disclosure, corporate accountability, and social justice issues, mostly because hot college women are also interested in the same issues. Go figure. Anyways, we believe this constitutes a "fair use" of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without fee or payment of any kind to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes, except when you are using it to get laid. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?