March 11, 2007
Zit-Faced Nerd Puts Out to Compensate for Her Looks
By Billy Pilgrim, Codependent Collegian Rogue EditorLeft: Davison's spotty profile
(Omaha, NE)—University of Nebraska junior Holly Davison has been the “quiet, intellectual type” her entire academic career, suffering from acne in solitude while her peers party, pull pranks, and drunkenly cheer for their beloved Huskers any given Saturday.
However, Davison decided to do away with her old image this fall, and has reinvented herself as Nebraska’s newest slut as a means to overcome her blotchy complexion.
“She’s got a great body and face, but bro, those zits could stop traffic,” recalled Zach ‘Attack’ Gibbons, a leading member of the Pi Gamma Mu fraternity. “I couldn’t help myself last Friday though—she was all over me after two beers, and whispered some of the nastiest shit I’ve ever heard. Next morning I had to Google ‘Indian Teabag’ to see if it was legal. I’ll say this: it shouldn’t be.”
Not surprisingly, Gibbons is only one of a growing number of students who have been at the precarious crossroads between sexual intrigue and dermatological repulsion with Davison’s blatant advances.
“Yeah, I bagged that Davison chick — twice in the same night,” reflected Jon Michaels, a backup javelin thrower on the Huskers outdoor track team. “I dribbled a pearl necklace all around those neck zits of hers, too…there’s a picture on [roommate] Carl’s MySpace page, if you want to check it out.”
Left: If you've got a pulse, you're golden, dudeAnd while many of Davison’s most intimate associates have expressed concern about her newfound promiscuity, only time will tell if she will abandon such wanton behavior.
“I brought it up — you know, how she’s fucking everybody on campus now — when we were studying last Tuesday,” recollected Sarah Hopkins, a close friend. “But then she tried to kiss me. It was gross - full tongue. As soon as I get my panties back, I’m never talking to her again.”
Labels: acne, promiscuity
