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March 30, 2007

Student Running Out of Illnesses to Fake to See Hot Nurse at Clinic

Issacs with a self-inflicted chest contusion

(Los Angeles) UCLA junior Craig Isaacs, by his own admission, "has it bad" for a blonde nurse at the Student Health and Wellness Center.

"I dream about her every waking moment of the day," he freely admitted to Codependent Collegian reporters.

In an effort to build a relationship with the object of his affections, Isaacs has been faking a variety of illnesses to see the health care professional more frequently.

"Flat out - I love her," he said, staring at an image stored on his cell phone of "Rebecca," the UCLA nurse. "If you knew anything about the two of us you'd see quite plainly that there has never been a love more pure than ours."

Isaacs said that he first met Rebecca in the fall semester, when he contracted strep throat.

"She had a magical touch with that tongue depressor," he recalled, eyes misting at the memory. "I have never met someone so perfect in my entire life. She is everything I have ever dreamed about and I'm sure she feels the same way about me."

A miraculous moment amongst raging tonsils

Isaacs said that he "knew for sure" his love was reciprocated when he went in for an exam after faking symptoms of an enlarged prostate.

"I insisted that Becky - that's what I call her - do the exam," he said. "She was so gentle and so... so... loving when she thrust that gloved finger in my ass. Just one poke and I knew - I just knew that we were meant to be together and of course the feeling was mutual. I still have the glove, too."

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