.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}
March 6, 2007

Student Loses Syllabus 19 Times, Sets Record for Incompetence

By Billy Pilgrim, Codependent Collegian Rogue Editor

Hertridge: Clumsier than a drunken midget in a dildo factory

(Washington, DC)—Georgetown University freshman Chad Hertridge has never been a responsible fellow: as a child, he broke most of his mother’s good china, smeared Easter chocolate on the family Bible, and soiled most of his ‘school clothes’ while playing in the backyard.

Hertridge had hoped this streak of capriciousness would end when he began college, but sadly, he has lost all four of his course syllabi a record nineteen times, and is utterly unprepared for the midterms which begin next week.

“Holy fuck, I’m screwed,” Hertridge bemoaned while dousing a spaghetti-stained pair of slacks with pretreatment gel. “Dr. Rabkowski [professor of philosophy] is like, the meanest S.O.B. on campus, and I’m averaging three syllabi a week in his course. Hell, I lost my copy on the way from his office back to my dorm room. He’s probably killed an entire Albertan forest for me.”

The syllabus that just won't stick

Hertridge continued to explain how his “old tricks” from high school no longer worked in the collegiate setting.

“Man, in high school, I would just show up to class about 7-8 minutes early, ask some geeky chick what the homework was, and pound that shit out,” Hertridge remarked. “That don’t fly anymore, though. Hell, I can’t get anybody to even talk to me in my bio class. My lab partner said that if I speak to her again this semester, she would pepper-spray my ass. So much for that Japanese cordiality.”

Labels: , ,

Comments: Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home
Copyright 2007, Codependent Collegian ® . Unauthorized duplication prohibited, but feel free to link away. This is a satirical newspaper, and many of these stories are fictional. You have to guess which ones are faked. Codependent Collegian ® uses invented names in its stories, except when public figures are being satirized, or when we post a real story. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Subcomandante Bob once got jiggy with your mom, and she does things in bed that would shock you, dude. The content of this website is the property of Codependent Collegian ® and its authors, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. Codependent Collegian ® is not designed for readers under 18 years of age. FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, sustainable development, environmental, community and worker health, democracy, public disclosure, corporate accountability, and social justice issues, mostly because hot college women are also interested in the same issues. Go figure. Anyways, we believe this constitutes a "fair use" of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without fee or payment of any kind to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes, except when you are using it to get laid. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?