.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}
March 22, 2007

Spring Weather Ushers Abundance of Titty on Campuses Nationwide

A Codependent Collegian Special Report
By Billy Pilgrim, Codependent Collegian Rogue Editor

These Girls Are Ready for Class

For many Americans, March signifies the last hoorah of winter, and can appear only marginally different from previous winter months, with its freak snowstorms, high winds, and bleak, bitter sunsets. Prudence, it seems, implores us to patiently endure another few weeks of cold since April and her rejuvenating rains are merely around the corner.

Thankfully, this conventional human submissiveness is scant on most of our nation’s college and universities campuses, where, in the wake of early Spring Breaks, young co-eds are showing cleavage at impressive rates, thus making March the month of spiritual and physical renewal.

“I got my first tenure-track position back in ’84,” remarked Professor Stan Berkowitz, a remedial mathematics professor at Louisiana State University. “Even in the Deep South, you couldn’t see any boobage back then until about June, and that was if you were lucky. In fact, many of us taught summer classes just to get a daily glimpse at those chesticles. But now, hell—March is where it’s at. It’s like a flesh parade up in here.”

Other academics corroborated Berkowitz’s claim about this outburst of cleavage.

“Man, the life of a grad assistant is par excellence this time of year,” boasted Tim Vickers, a PhD candidate in literature at the University of Pennsylvania. “I only teach low-level composition courses, so I get these girls straight out of high school. The first day it broke 60 degrees in Philly, I thought they’d passed some kind of city ordinance or some shit. There was more tit than you could shake a stick at…well, that might be a mixed metaphor, but you get my point.”

Mmmmmmm- springtime

And while some feel that this mammary fixation is shallow, Freudian, and merely reinforces the objectification of women, many contend that it is a powerful symbol of life’s true effervescence.

“My roommate and best friend—I’ll call him ‘Dan’—is overweight, chronically depressed, and has constant thoughts of suicide,” revealed a tearful Matt Suttin, a sophomore at Bowling Green University. “That was until last week, though, when these immaculate cans started emerging on campus. He’s a new man now. He’s hitting the gym, eating more salads—these luscious boobs saved his life. And for that, sir, I am in their eternal debt.”

Labels: , ,

I just spooged in my pants. That is all.
Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home
Copyright 2007, Codependent Collegian ® . Unauthorized duplication prohibited, but feel free to link away. This is a satirical newspaper, and many of these stories are fictional. You have to guess which ones are faked. Codependent Collegian ® uses invented names in its stories, except when public figures are being satirized, or when we post a real story. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Subcomandante Bob once got jiggy with your mom, and she does things in bed that would shock you, dude. The content of this website is the property of Codependent Collegian ® and its authors, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. Codependent Collegian ® is not designed for readers under 18 years of age. FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, sustainable development, environmental, community and worker health, democracy, public disclosure, corporate accountability, and social justice issues, mostly because hot college women are also interested in the same issues. Go figure. Anyways, we believe this constitutes a "fair use" of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without fee or payment of any kind to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes, except when you are using it to get laid. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?