.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}
March 25, 2007

Campus Crusade for Christ May Be Last Hope for Flunking Student

Left: Debnow hoping for a miracle, or at least all D's

(State College, PA) The spring semester has been a difficult one for Penn State sophomore Tyler Debnow, who is currently failing three of the four courses for which he registered.

"And I have a low D in physics," added the second-year engineering student, referring to the one course that he is not flunking.

Debnow's solution is a novel one: he joined the Campus Crusade for Christ, and is dedicating himself to Jesus in hopes of passing.

"Look, there is no way in hell - excuse my language - that mere studying will bring up my grades enough to pass," he said, noting that his lowest grade is 26 percent in Comp II. "I figure that Jesus will be able to deliver me from mine enemies, and defend me from them that rise up against me. Especially Professor Harris, who is one unrighteous checker of punctuation."

Debnow first learned of Campus Crusade for Christ on spring break in Daytona.

"Believe it or not, they were working the bars and the beaches to convert the partiers," he said. "I was lying on the beach, all fucked up on Ecstasy and Patron Reposado, when this CCC chick gave me a pamphlet. That was when it all made sense to me - Jesus could save my GPA."

The Way, The Truth, and The Last Hope for Debnow

Among the changes that Debnow has made include a daily prayer regimen and consultations with the Campus Crusade youth ministry.

"Oh yeah - I'm on my knees every day, dude, asking Jesus to deliver me from my sins and save me from the academic dean's wrath," he said, making the sign of the Cross. "And there's this hottie from CCC who is totally worried for my soul. If I play my cards right, I'll bag passing grades AND some virginal Christian booty. Amen to that, brother."

Labels: , , ,

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home
Copyright 2007, Codependent Collegian ® . Unauthorized duplication prohibited, but feel free to link away. This is a satirical newspaper, and many of these stories are fictional. You have to guess which ones are faked. Codependent Collegian ® uses invented names in its stories, except when public figures are being satirized, or when we post a real story. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Subcomandante Bob once got jiggy with your mom, and she does things in bed that would shock you, dude. The content of this website is the property of Codependent Collegian ® and its authors, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. Codependent Collegian ® is not designed for readers under 18 years of age. FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, sustainable development, environmental, community and worker health, democracy, public disclosure, corporate accountability, and social justice issues, mostly because hot college women are also interested in the same issues. Go figure. Anyways, we believe this constitutes a "fair use" of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without fee or payment of any kind to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes, except when you are using it to get laid. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?