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March 15, 2007

2-For-16 Early Showing Dooms Student in NCAA Pool

A sheepish Oberlin struggling to live down his shoddy prognostication

(Ames, IA) Iowa State University junior Trey Oberlin, fresh off a particularly gruesome stretch of pool picks in the NCAA men's basketball tiurnament, said that he "just can't believe" how poorly he did.

"Two for fucking sixteen - that's beyond pathetic," he admitted, slamming a double shot of Jagermeister at a local bar. "I could have done better than that by asking my dog for picks."

Among Oberlin's most unusual choices were Belmont over Georgetown and Central Connecticut State over Ohio State University.

"To tell you the truth - I just thought that any given team can win on any given night," he said, ackowledging that he is not much of a sports enthusiast. "I mean, it's all about throwing an orange ball in a hoop, right? You just have score more aces or whatever."

Oberlin was sure that Belmont was a winner, but G-Town prevailed

Making matters worse for Oberlin was the taunting from his friends and roommates, who mercilessly harassed the unfortunate bettor.

"I know it's bad when every girl in the pool got at least 8 of 16 teams right, but it's just wrong to force me to wear this skirt and bra," he said, adjusting the underwire push-up brassiere that was his penalty for finishing last tonight. "And you know that a perfect-fitting bra should always contain the whole breast in each cup without any bulging or spillage. This thing is tighter than a triple-tied shoelace, and I can't bend over to fix my nylons."

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