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February 18, 2007

Prof Loses Sleep Over Recent Ratemyprofessors.com Posting

By Billy Pilgrim, Codependent Collegian Rogue Editor

Hewitt: Hairy and forlorn

(Grand Forks, ND)—University of North Dakota mathematics professor James Hewitt has enjoyed a relatively peaceful start to his spring term: his new students are receptive, the administration is pleased with his progress, and his private research is advancing smoothly.

However, a scathing evaluation posted earlier this week on the website RateMyProfessors.com has been the bane of Hewitt’s existence for several days, and has led him to question his entire academic career.

“You know, I had a great fall semester—out of nearly 60 students, only 3 failed,” Hewitt remarked while rocking gently in his office swivel chair. “So I cannot fucking believe one of those little brats gave me a clarity rating of 1 [on a scale of 5] and wrote that I ‘concocted grades like Merlin cuz he totally doesnt care bout students fo’shizzle.’ I’ve had to drink three fingers of Johnnie Walker every day this week just to get a few hours of shut-eye.”

Hewitt attempted to rationalize the motivation behind this fiercely personal attack.

“Maybe this individual was just confused—my syllabus was too challenging, or they didn’t understand my lectures on Pythagoras, and are now lashing out at me,” Hewitt contemplated while playing an antiquated digital version of solitaire on his laptop. “You and I both know that I only have a few years left in this profession, so my legacy means everything. I only hope someone flags this posting so it goes under review. Otherwise, I might as well move back to Osnabrock and sell tractors with my uncle.”

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