Codependent Collegian

(Ann Arbor, MI) Residents of the University of Michigan's South Quad were evacuated this evening after the detonation of a pair of so-called "dirty bombs."

The source of the olfactory-damaging explosions was traced to the fourth-floor room of a pair of third-year business majors, neither of whom would take responsibility for the methane-based eruptions.

"Uh, don't look at me," said Clint Larimer, fanning the offensive odors out the window. "I walked in and the wicked stank was so bad it made my fucking eyes water."

Larimer's roommate, Kevin Worley, also denied responsibility for the noxious laying of the wind loafage.

"Hey man - Clint brought that shit with him. He's been reeking up this room for a solid week now," said Worley, shirttail covering his face for protection. "He's always pulling that turd honking routine, then looking at me like I'm going to take the fall for him. No sir, not me this time. Last week he stunk up the room so bad my nose hairs fell out."

Left: lingering vapors from the rectal tremors defile the South Quad cafeteria

Ann Arbor authorities believe the students could be trying to maximize the panic from their tail wind attacks by the use of such noxious vapors.

"It is an indication of maliciousness, a desire to injure and kill innocent people in the vicinity," said Michael Carver, police spokesman. "If there is a particular success, we'll see copycats. They certainly pay attention to what they think is successful."

Labels: dirty bombs, University of Michigan