.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}
January 8, 2007

Opinion: Where the FUCK is HUM 309?

A Codependent Collegian Guest Editorial by Marc Thompson

Thompson navigates another wrong building

This isn’t supposed to happen on the second day of class. I mean, I got up early this morning, had two cups of coffee—hell, I even showered—and was totally psyched for my Intro to Sociology class. (I hear Professor Mischaw is a total fox!)

And now here I am, lost in the middle of Georgia Tech’s big-ass campus, with no fucking clue where HUM 309 is.

But really, the problem isn’t being lost. I get lost all the time. When Dave [Baxter, close high school friend] and I went to see Tom Petty in July, we spent two hours trying to find the freeway out of Atlanta. Granted, we had smoked an entire ounce of Maui Wowie in a Coke can bong, but still, the directions we got from that gypsy chick selling hemp necklaces were truly substandard. I’m digressing, but you get my point—these things happen.

Left: Hostile, shark-like classmates just waiting to strike

The real issue is that I now have to walk into a lecture hall 28…make that 29 goddamn minutes late, looking like a jackass in front of a zillion other people. With my luck, the only seat open will be next to some blonde goddess with an incredible rack, and my hard-on will make an audible clack on the underside of my desk.

And I’m glad that Georgia Tech hired Haseem here as their only work-study student at the campus information counter. This guy has the IQ of a porn star, and speaks less English than my great aunt Mabel, whose Alzheimer’s is so bad she shits in her wheelchair.

So if you see me wandering about campus, help a brother out. Just get me to the right building, and I’ll make it worth your while—there’s a frozen pizza and half a joint back in my dorm room with your name on it.

Labels: , , ,

Comments: Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home
Copyright 2007, Codependent Collegian ® . Unauthorized duplication prohibited, but feel free to link away. This is a satirical newspaper, and many of these stories are fictional. You have to guess which ones are faked. Codependent Collegian ® uses invented names in its stories, except when public figures are being satirized, or when we post a real story. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Subcomandante Bob once got jiggy with your mom, and she does things in bed that would shock you, dude. The content of this website is the property of Codependent Collegian ® and its authors, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. Codependent Collegian ® is not designed for readers under 18 years of age. FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, sustainable development, environmental, community and worker health, democracy, public disclosure, corporate accountability, and social justice issues, mostly because hot college women are also interested in the same issues. Go figure. Anyways, we believe this constitutes a "fair use" of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without fee or payment of any kind to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes, except when you are using it to get laid. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?