.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}
December 2, 2006

Student Hopes to Cash in on Some of that Grant Action

Drunken college dudeReeder is "totally committed" to pursuing grants

(Tempe, AZ) Upon reading in a leftover newspaper that Arizona State University’s College of Nursing and Healthcare Innovation was awarded a $1.3 million federal grant to design a program for improving nurse retention and patient care, ASU sophomore Kyle Reeder decided that he needed to investigate further.

"They frigging dole out grants for all kinds of research and shit," he slurred to Codependent Collegian reporters, interviewing him at the Big Tool Pub. "It's about time the Kyle-man got his hands on some of that green."

Reeder said that he first intends to "get totally fucked up" tonight.

"To be honest with you - I'd probably have trouble reading Dr.-fucking-Seuss right about now," he said, as the second set of JJ and the Pederasts kicked in. "But first thing tomorrow, baby, I'm gonna hit them grant thingamadoos. Hard."

Grant proposalYou just fill in the blanks, and they send you money. Straight up.

Reeder paused to tell some unattended young females about his plan.

"Listen up - six months from now this cat is gonna be rolling in cash," he bellowed to the hesitant women. "So how's about we start celebrating tonight, ladies?"

After failing to negotiate a nocturnal tryst, Reeder returned to the table with Codependent Collegian reporters.

"Probably a buncha bitches anyways," he belched, slamming a double shot of Jack Daniels. "But they'll be crawling back to daddy once the grant cash show up, a-i-i-e-e-e-e-t?"

Comments:
R-i-i-i-ight. I'm going to grant this idiot money? I think not.
 
Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link



<< Home
Copyright 2007, Codependent Collegian ® . Unauthorized duplication prohibited, but feel free to link away. This is a satirical newspaper, and many of these stories are fictional. You have to guess which ones are faked. Codependent Collegian ® uses invented names in its stories, except when public figures are being satirized, or when we post a real story. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Subcomandante Bob once got jiggy with your mom, and she does things in bed that would shock you, dude. The content of this website is the property of Codependent Collegian ® and its authors, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. Codependent Collegian ® is not designed for readers under 18 years of age. FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, sustainable development, environmental, community and worker health, democracy, public disclosure, corporate accountability, and social justice issues, mostly because hot college women are also interested in the same issues. Go figure. Anyways, we believe this constitutes a "fair use" of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without fee or payment of any kind to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes, except when you are using it to get laid. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?