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November 8, 2006

Rumsfeld Eager to Bag Some Babes, Play Beer Pong

(Washington, DC) Outgoing US defense chief Donald Rumsfeld said that he is "looking forward" to a less stressful life after six years in the Bush Administration.

"I love beer pong. It is by far my favorite activity to do while drinking beer," he said, slamming a cold one at a Georgetown University kegger. "I immediately started schooling these frat dorks in the fundamentals of the game. Soon after total domination I hit the best shot in the history of beer pong, banking one off that hot chick's forehead."

Rumsfeld said that he has been hearing about some "wild frat action" going on in the Greek community.

beer pong
"My boy Yussef from Hampton came down and got us into the Kappa party at Greene Street on Friday night," he laughed, lining up for another shot. "Definitely didn't disappoint, a-i-i-e-e-et? Saturday my boy AK had the realest house party you will ever see. Must have been about 200 people out there, including Dante of Little Brother and Keyshia Cole, who showed up at about 3:15 AM. All I can say is: 'Get it poppin', y'all.'"

Rumsfeld said that he and some "cats from Kappa" plan to check out another bash tonight.

"All of us drunks plan to pile into the van, to be driven by the über-cool Ryan who deserves a hell of a lot more props than he's been given, and then head off to the hotel," he said, hitting a passed joint. "Dude, I am like, so totally fucked up right now - what were we talking about?"

Never knew Rummy was such a straight-up fella.
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