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November 30, 2006

Professor Counting Down Days Till Goddamn Students Go Away

Angry economics professorLeft: Calderone in his OSU office

(Columbus, OH) Ohio State economics professor Scott Calderone, never a fan of undergraduates, said that he is looking forward to the holiday break.

"Thirteen days, eleven hours, and forty-seven minutes until that last jerkoff turns in the rumpled scrap of paper he is praying gets him a D-minus," he said, checking his watch. "And then I am not coming near this shit-hole for three weeks. Hippity-hip hooray."

Calderone said that his "tolerance for idiocy" has dipped to an all-time low this term.

"Normally I just listen to the bullshit student excuses and pleas for mercy with an empty smile, knowing that if I say nothing they will leave my office that much faster," he said, fists balling up under his desk. "But this semester I really wanted to hurt some of these fuckers. I wanted to hit this one guy so hard that his kids would inherit the bruises."

Red hallwaysThe view in the OSU hallways from Calderone's eyes is grim

Luckily, said Calderone, he has been able to plan ahead with his grading.

"By this time the final exam cannot significantly change a student's final grade much, so I am just going to enter grades one step higher than their current averages," he said. "The A students always do A work, the F students haven't got a chance, and everybody else does slightly better than they thought. Its win-win-win, and I'm on vacation nine minutes after finals."

# posted by Subcomandante Bob : 7:03 PM
Comments:
Poor guy!
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 7:37 PM
 
"poor guy" my ass- students deserve better than this pompous jerk.
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 7:38 PM
 
I have had asshole professors, but this guy takes the cake. He must have tenure.
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 7:54 PM
 
What an arrogant punk, to go public like this.
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 7:56 PM
 
Scotty obviously has no skills or talent to ever try to "get by" in a real job (i.e., not dependent on his state or federal government).

Too bad... there is, after all, likely a Wal-Mart shopping cart and a couple of unmatched shoes out here with his names on them.

(Screw you, Scotty!)
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 8:20 PM
 
He may be arrogant, but he's right. And he's not alone. College kids are dumb as posts.
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 8:15 AM
 
I don't suppose it occurred to anyone that this might have been composed and posted by a disgruntled student?

Might it make more sense than a professor at a major university giving a profanity-laced interview broadcasting to the world his professional malfeasance?

Ya think?
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 2:26 AM
 
This comment has been removed by the author.
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 1:37 AM
 
Might it make more sense than a professor at a major university giving a profanity-laced interview broadcasting to the world his professional malfeasance?

Malfeasance: The commission of an unlawful act.

I believe that the word you seek is malaise. At least you recognize satire when you see it. Your colleagues do not.
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 1:40 AM
 
This comment has been removed by the author.
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 1:43 AM
 
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