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October 28, 2006

Student: Terrorists Should Get Dunked, Drugged, Beaten, and Have FIngernails Removed

Education major Tad Cochrane Left: Cochrane sees the benefits of torture

(Washington, DC) Georgetown University education major Tad Cochrane, speaking with Codependent Collegian reporters, defended Vice President Dick Cheney's comments about waterboarding.

"Listen up, y'all - these are the bastards who took down the World Trade Center, and who want to attack every library and grade school in the good old US of A," he said. "The VP was right on this one, and I think we ought to put Cheney in the room with the terrorists. I'll bet he could get them to talk in 10 minutes. Any dude who would shoot his friend in the face with a shotgun has the righteous cojones to be a good interrogator."

Cochrane believes that current interrogation techniques leave much to be desired.

"Oh, definitely. The CIA needs to hook up with some Quentin Tarrentino films to see how the job really needs to be done," he said. "Like that scene in Reservoir Dogs where the crazy mobster cuts off the cop's ear. Let's see how Mohammed Akbar or whoever stands up to getting an ear sliced off. Yeah - drugging, nails yanked out, toes smashed - by any means necessary, you know?"

Vice President Dick CheneyLeft: Cheney demonstrating a terrorist choke hold for reporters

Cochrane said that he would like to volunteer for the interrogation detail.

"Hey - it's not for everyone, and you need some kick-ass people like me who won't get all wishy-washy about civil rights," he said, cracking his knuckles. "Like this fight I was in when I was in high school. Dude comes up to me, acting all bad, and BAM! One punch, goodnight. Kicked him in the ribs for good measure when he was on the ground. That's the kind of person you need, so call me, Mr. Cheney."

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