.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}
October 25, 2006

Opinion: I Wish Madonna Would Adopt Me

Colege student who wishes Madonna would be his mom Guest Editorial by Jared Crenshaw, Penn State Class of 2009

Some guys, as they say, have all the luck.

Like that little kid named David from Malawi, for instance. One day he's crawling in the mud with a hundred other AIDS orphans, then BAM! Madonna adopts his lucky ass.

I wish that Madonna would consider adopting me.

Yeah, I know I leave my shit all over the dorm, but if Madonna was my mother I would put everything away where it belongs. I'd even sweep, for Chrissakes, although I'd draw the line at dishes. Hey - isn't that why she's got a butler?

MadonnaWould you be my mommy? Please?

If Madonna adopted me, she wouldn't have any custody problems like with that Malawian goat-herder. My mom and step-dad didn't even notice I left for college, and my old man's such a drunken sot he could probably get bought off with three months' trailer rent.

If she wanted, I wouldn't mind Madonna dressing me up like a baby, and - unlike her Malawi brat - I'm all about the breastfeeding. I'll bet that kid is so hooked on the bottle that he could never take to the proffered breast, like I would. Mmmmmm!

Plus, let's face facts. Madonna is the Queen of Freak, and you just know she's going to want to get all Oedipal on a kid at some point. And let's just say that I got his toddler ass beat in that department. Bad.

So, I know you're out there reading this, Madonna. Call me, Mommy, 'kay?

Comments:
Amen, brother.
 
That's kinda fucked up, that Oedipus reference. Funny, but fucked up.
 
Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link



<< Home
Copyright 2007, Codependent Collegian ® . Unauthorized duplication prohibited, but feel free to link away. This is a satirical newspaper, and many of these stories are fictional. You have to guess which ones are faked. Codependent Collegian ® uses invented names in its stories, except when public figures are being satirized, or when we post a real story. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Subcomandante Bob once got jiggy with your mom, and she does things in bed that would shock you, dude. The content of this website is the property of Codependent Collegian ® and its authors, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. Codependent Collegian ® is not designed for readers under 18 years of age. FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, sustainable development, environmental, community and worker health, democracy, public disclosure, corporate accountability, and social justice issues, mostly because hot college women are also interested in the same issues. Go figure. Anyways, we believe this constitutes a "fair use" of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without fee or payment of any kind to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes, except when you are using it to get laid. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?