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October 14, 2006

Ex-Girlfriend: Owner of Pimp Mobile is Really a Chickenshit

Left: Looks can be deceiving

(Madison, WI) The spotless, pimped-out gold Cadillac of Kevin "K-Unit" Peterson thunders through the normally quiet south side neighborhood, with its R Alpine subwoofer driven by a KCE-510M amp thumping at over 200 decibels.

Chamberlain Avenue resident Theresa Bowers remained unimpressed.

"That little punk-ass ain't nothing without his pimp mobile," she said, shaking her head. "He's driving that to compensate for his shortcomings in other areas, if you know what I mean."

Bowers said that she once caught Peterson in an embarassing situation.

"I come home from work and the lazy bum is watching the movie The Notebook," she said, hands on hips as the Cadillac sped away. "Not only that, he's crying like the last kid picked for kickball. Pathetic. What kind of man even watches crap like that?"

Left: Bowers tells all about K-Unit

Bowers said that "almost everything about" Peterson, a business major at Wisconsin-Madison, is a thinly-veneered lie.

"The tatoos? Henna. His blonde hair? Dyed. His 'posse'? Bunch of poser high school punks," she told reporters. "The first time we made out he was all "I'm gonna rock your world" and 'Oh, baby' this and 'Mama you so fine' that. But he went all limp in bed, blaming the weed the smoked. Couldn't even finish. If you ask me - I think he really likes short-haired men in tank tops. His room is covered with posters of guys like that."

Reminds me of my stupid neighbor
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